Dear Santa

Published March 26, 2016 by Late Night with Jess

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Dear Santa,

I have been a pretty good girl this year with the exception where my ex is concerned.  To defend myself, he really asked for it and technically I have not done anything, Karma is.  So here is what I want under the tree this year.

Since I am single what better gift than something to help me at night.   A laundry fairy, cleaning fairy,  a sex fairy, hell just put any fairy you want under the tree as long as its helps and not be like one of those elf’s on the shelf’s you been sending out!  Those things mess up more than my 9 year old on the sugar high. If that is how it is how they act up at the north pole, I so feel sorry for Mrs. Clause.  I seen one down here shave some kids head and paint his finger nails.  How is that teaching the kids to be good? But anyways back to my list and my fairy I want.

I really don’t want a sparkly fairy, or one with wings.

I don’t want a short one because I may need help reaching things.

I don’t want a skinny one because I will be depressed.

I don’t want a female, they just yell and may have bigger breasts.

I don’t want a young one, that I will have to train.

I don’t want a hung one, that may cause me pain.

I want the perfect fairy that I can enjoy, since I have been a good girl with all the little boys.

Check out the original article I wrote here for The Buzz Kill Magazine

 

 

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