What do you do with your day off?

Published March 26, 2016 by Late Night with Jess

So what does most people do on their days off from work?  I will tell you what I usually do on mine.  I get up normal time to get my son ready for school, then take the longest shower possible, and when I mean the longest I mean when I get out my hands have turned into plumbs.  Not sure why I don’t take a bath, just could never get into those.  Something about in a pool of water just soaking like potatoes.  Anyways after my long shower I tend to get all dressed up just to go to Hastings and have a frappe and either read or do some type of work on the computer. Since its colder outside I am stuck inside but when it is warm I sit outside at the tables and just enjoy the day.  Nothing like not staying home but spending very little money all while doing something that you enjoy!  I have met a lot of interesting people while outside reading, at one point a couple of them thought I worked there because I was there every single day.  That was when I was not working.  I have a very unique car and after about a month a guy comes up to me and asks me if that was my car.  Of course he was the only one who have guessed it so I had to ask him how did he know.  He said that my tattoos gave it away.  Of course having Pucca on one arm and a Lord of The Rings tattoo on the other is a complete give away if people are paying attention.  Most however do not.

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Heck most guys in general does not pay attention to anything about a women.  I could shave my head and put on a new bra and he would notice the bra before ever looking up.  I guess if you want to get the attention of a man these days you must plaster it on your ass, you chest or your legs.  Anyways if any of y’all wants the best frappe or latte I suggest going into Hastings and having Ashlea, a cute blonde, make you one!  She is the sweetest person you could meet.  She is one of the reasons I like this place.  Other than just getting to come up here and just relaxing in a store that I totally love. There is always something here to look at even when you been here every single day!

 

Dear Santa

Published March 26, 2016 by Late Night with Jess

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Dear Santa,

I have been a pretty good girl this year with the exception where my ex is concerned.  To defend myself, he really asked for it and technically I have not done anything, Karma is.  So here is what I want under the tree this year.

Since I am single what better gift than something to help me at night.   A laundry fairy, cleaning fairy,  a sex fairy, hell just put any fairy you want under the tree as long as its helps and not be like one of those elf’s on the shelf’s you been sending out!  Those things mess up more than my 9 year old on the sugar high. If that is how it is how they act up at the north pole, I so feel sorry for Mrs. Clause.  I seen one down here shave some kids head and paint his finger nails.  How is that teaching the kids to be good? But anyways back to my list and my fairy I want.

I really don’t want a sparkly fairy, or one with wings.

I don’t want a short one because I may need help reaching things.

I don’t want a skinny one because I will be depressed.

I don’t want a female, they just yell and may have bigger breasts.

I don’t want a young one, that I will have to train.

I don’t want a hung one, that may cause me pain.

I want the perfect fairy that I can enjoy, since I have been a good girl with all the little boys.

Check out the original article I wrote here for The Buzz Kill Magazine

 

 

Christmas with Strangers

Published March 26, 2016 by Late Night with Jess

 

When I go to my family’s house that I never see throughout the year, I feel like a pig surrounded by hungry Americans. Why must they ask all sorts of questions? I mean if they are really interested in what I am doing these days, wouldn’t they take the time through out the year to see how or what I am doing? Since my grandmother passed away, my Aunt and Uncle has been having all the Holidays at their house. I love them to death but I always feel like the black sheep of the family because my mother and everyone does not get along. Ah hell why am I trying to lie, I am the Black Sheep of the family. I am a loner, I am the geek, I am the nerd (and I believe there is a HUGE difference between geek and nerd) I am my father’s daughter, my mothers mini me and I am one proud single mother! I think I really just go around the family that never includes me is because I want my son to feel apart of something more than I can offer him at this time. But the more I think about it, I think I am teaching him that family ties is only important for the Holidays and not through out the year.

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Christmas is to celebrate with family right? No. Christmas to me is for people related to you who get together and pretend that they give a shit about you.  Maybe things would be different in my eyes if I was included in family things like say….Birthdays….Family coming in from out of town…Weddings…Easter ect.  I am friends with them on Facebook yet I am the last to know anything! Someone can die in my family and I can find out about it from Dicks sisters Aunt Patty’s neighbors hair dresser that I happen to be in her chair to get my hair did!  You know how hair dressers are. 🙂 So why do I really want to be apart of that? I will have to think about that one for a bit.

When I do go over to my Aunts and Uncles house, I feel like the Dwarves when the Mirkwood Elves captures us. The scene I am referring to is In The Hobbit The Desolation of Smug. When Legolas is talking to Gloin and he is looking at the picture Gloin had in his pocket and says “who is this, your brother?” Gloin says “That is my wife” Legolas says “What is this horrid creature” “That’s me wee lad, Gimli” says Gloin.  Or when Logalas is gave the ancient Elvish blade that was giving to Thorin and Legolas says to Thorin “not just a thief but a liar as well”  I feel like I am Gollum playing the riddle game with Bilbo Baggins and we all know Biblo ends up with the precious. (The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey)  For once I just want to be Tauriel when Kili looks at her.  Loved, wanted, needed and to be accepted for who I am because I am not like them.

 

Check out the original article I wrote here for The Buzz Kill Magazine

 

 

Holiday Sexpectations

Published March 26, 2016 by Late Night with Jess

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Christmas time is right around the corner and I have some issues.  It’s not just at Christmas, but every Holiday.  I am single!  Every time I go around some of my family I always hear the same thing over and over again.  “Why don’t you have a guy in your life?”  I really want to say, because every guy I find always turns out to be a bigger dick than what they have or I would rather just have sex with some random stranger than to have to deal with the weirdness of trying to get to know someone.  I don’t though, only because they are my family and I am trying to keep peace as much as possible.  Why does some random family member feel the need to be so concerned with your personal life anyways?  I usually just tell them I don’t have time to date but the real reason why I am still single is simple.  There are not many places around here to meet guys my age!  Being a single mother of a very active boy you would think that there would be some single fathers out there in the same activities that my son is in, but NO!

I have tried this local Facebook singles site and let me tell you, that place is worse than Craigslist and Plenty of Fish combined!  I noticed that most of the “active” members were very active with one another.  It was more about who can have sex with all the guys/gals than to actually try finding just one mate!  A friend of mine told me that some of the females actually went on dates every single night just to have sex and get free meals, but then go on to complain about how used they felt because they were treated like a sex object.  I mean come on people, you cannot expect someone to treat you like a queen if you’re going around being a dumb ass joker.  Stop letting the guys spread the butter on your toast!  Sex is wonderful and can be lots of fun, but if you’re looking for your mate then maybe don’t be so easy.  If you read back on a couple of my other articles you will see I have said that before.  Women have what they guy wants, so why not make them work for it!  Well unless you’re just wanting sex, then heck you’re doing it right!

Dating these days are way different as back in the day. These days people want to “hang out” not take you out.  “Netflix and chill” come to find out is saying they want to “hook up” with you and not really watch a damn movie.  I bet the next new thing will be “go muddin” will mean anal sex. Or “Wash my car” will mean golden showers.  Why can’t people just spit it out to what they really are looking for in the first place. Why is there so many damn codes names?   I bet the codes was made up from these Jr High/High school kids so their parent will not know what they really are doing.  Well damn I guess everyone knows what they are now so why keep using them!

 

Check out the original article I wrote here for The Buzz Kill Magazine

Gods Gift to Women?

Published March 26, 2016 by Late Night with Jess

Ok fellers, let’s talk about something that just bugs the living shit right out of me.  Most of y’all talk this hype about how good you are in bed just to actually make it there and you leave us disappointed.  If you say your ex is just wanting the goods, but the good isn’t any good….What in the hell does that say about the ex?  That she never had anything good in her life!  Yes different strokes for different folks, but I’m sure that more than likely she was just trying to give you an ego boost so you wouldn’t go hang yourself.  I had this guy (no names) that acted like he was all that and the freaking boots I wore, but when it came down to it, was nothing more than flip flops on a rainy day.  He made himself sound like King Kong on crack climbing the tower to save the damsel in distress.  He did not mention however that he was the one who left the damsel in distress.  I think the saddest thing about it was that his friends tried to hype up the “situation” for him as well.  WTF right?

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So guys the moral of this little story is, don’t hype the “situation” let it be a total surprise so we won’t be let down if we do get rolling around in the hay.  Don’t be sending us pics of that nasty looking sh-room either.  Heck, if we want sh-rooms, we can get em at the grocery store.  I myself would rather have a pic of you smiling (and I mean with teeth showing so I know you got some) and I’m sure most women would rather have that as well.  UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE should you out of the blue send a dick pic UNLESS she specifically asks for one.   Remember not all women are the same and after my last article they will now know the signs to look for when someone is wanting attention!  Sex and package size should not be a topic of anything until you actually have sex.  And lady’s, get some class and don’t put up with their shit!  You have what they want, if you give it to them in advance, what more do you have to offer?  Imagination makes things way more interesting!  Let them imagine what it will be like, make them earn your goods.

 

Check out the original article I wrote here for The Buzz Kill Magazine

 

 

 

Nerdgasm Diablo 3

Published March 26, 2016 by Late Night with Jess

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After 12 years of waiting, Diablo 3 was released on May 15, 2012 for PC users everywhere. Well, Americas, Europe and South Korea.  Within 24 hours sales rocketed to set a new record by selling 3.5 million copies!  Within a year Blizzard Entertainment sold 12 million copies and Diablo 3 was named the best selling PC game of 2012.  On September 3, 2013 the game came out on XBOX 360 and PS3 which was an awesome idea on Blizzards account. In July presales for the game started.  XBOX 360 presales hit no 2 and PS3 ranked no 4 for toped ranked Pre-order game that week.  Not bad for the original game to of been released back in 1996!  On August 19 2014 Diablo 3: Ultimate Evil, will be released on the XBOX One and PS4, so let’s see how the sales go after 2 years and a couple months of being out.

I myself played the original Diablo and Diablo 2 and was supper excited and a little leery when Diablo 3 came out.  I didn’t buy it the day it came out :-/ yes I know but I am playing it now and that my friend is all that matters.  I went to a guy’s house that I was dating at the time, he was playing it so I got to see how the graphics was.  I so wanted to play but was still not sure it was worth the $59.99 price tag.  Luckily when he bought his game it came with a couple of starter edition codes, which I didn’t turn down.  The starter was just a demo that you can only go to level 13 and then you can decided if you want to buy the game.  Very smart of Blizzard once again!  I didn’t even make it to level 13 when I ran out and bought the game.  Oh I must say that the graphics are so awesomely splendid!

Basic info of the game:   You get to pick between five charters, Barbarian, Demon hunter, Monk, Witch Doctor or a Wizard.  You also get to decided if you want one of three followers to help you on your journey, Templar, Scoundrel or the Enchantress.  You go have different tasks you have to go through to level up and as you level up stuff is dropped to help you gain better stats. I’m not going to mention all the equipment you can get just think of it like outfits that can keep you safer for longer. You start out in New Tristram after Deckard Cain and Leah was investigating an ominous prophecy.  Well needless to say while they were there, a star fell from the sky and Cain just vanished. Now you have to go find Cain, kill all the newly raised dead, kill a few Mob guys and fight and kill Diablo in four different difficulty levels. Way too much to actually talk about. But the butcher is by far my favorite to kill. No wait Maghda is. Heck who am I kidding there all awesome! Top level is 60.

In March 25, 2014 a expansion pack was released Reaper of Souls where it made the top out level to 70, added a fifth act to play, gave another character class, Crusader. So now you have six charters to pick from.  They added and Adventure mode that you can go anywhere in the game without starting a new game. Chances at bigger loot drops, better gear drop, new jewels and able to go for bounties to get rift key fragments.  Oh, the best thing is they added a fourth slot for passive skills! You will find that passive skills mean a lot in this game lol. I wasn’t sure it was worth another $59.99 but I am really glad I did get it because I truly love this game!  Send me an email if you play Diablo 3 or the Reaper of Souls. (on pc) I am always looking for more people to play with.    If you don’t play the game, it may be something you would like. Try playing the starters edition, you never know it could be your favorite game as well.

 

Its been a while since I wrote this, so check out Blizzards website for the actual prices now.  I still enjoy playing this game and have got into seasons as well as a great Clan on there as well.  Never a boring day!

Check out the original article I wrote here for The Buzz Kill Magazine

 

 

Hook (On)line and S(t)inker

Published March 26, 2016 by Late Night with Jess

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Online dating is suppose to be for people who don’t get out much, but still want to find their partner in life.  From my experience online dating is just another excuse for people to pretend that they like someone just to get what they want.  ATTENTION! Think about it, you start with the basic stuff to get to know that person and it’s usually one-sided like “what’s your favorite food?”  Their normal response back is “Steak” (or whatever they like) and they usually never ask what is yours.  You can always tell the one who wants attention when you have been talking for a while and you just want to vent, they ALWAYS turn the thing around on themselves.  Don’t get me wrong some only do it to make you feel better, but take a step back and think about the ones who have always done that in the past.  You’re still single, why?  Because online dating is 97% filled with people who just want the attention!  Yes, and I’m sure you’re thinking, well, why are you single?  Why are you searching for someone to date?  Well, I myself want to find that partner for life.  I put myself out there so others can see if they would like to take a chance to get to know me, the real me.  Six years single and I have always received the same result, once someone gets what they want, they leave.  No, I’m not saying I have had sex with the people who I meet, hell, I haven’t actually met a lot of people from online in person only because the attention seekers are the ones who will never agree to meet in person.  Why you ask?  They are bored in their current relationship, they don’t want a relationship, they lied about what they look like, they lied about their age or they simply don’t want to make the fantasy land reality!  What ever the reasons, remember these 10 warning sings!!

  1. They always turn every subject about themselves.
  2.  They turn every conversation into something sexual.
  3. Their only reply back when it’s convenient for them.
  4. They never agree to meet or they don’t show up when they do agree.
  5. Will never talk on the phone with you, or if they do when you call they never answer and always gives an excuse to why they didn’t answer.
  6. A textalionship only (text message relationship)
  7. Will only be around at late hours of the night and never on weekends.
  8. Never the first to start a conversation. (They want to make sure they have you where  they want you.)
  9. Will say they don’t have a Facebook page. (Everyone these days does!)
  10. They will not tell you where they actually work.

 

 

Check out the original article I wrote here for The Buzz Kill Magazine

 

 

 

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